apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!