I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
