He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
