i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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