And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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