I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
