I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
