never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
