worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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