I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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