Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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