I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize