it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
