just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
