plz talk dirty to me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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