I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
