Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
