So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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