bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
