I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
