I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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