last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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