Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So vagazzling was a success
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
