i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
