she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Are my feet made of real feet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
