This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
