threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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