So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
