I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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