SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think my mom watched the whole time
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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