Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
