Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
