I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
