he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
