My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
