just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize