I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
