amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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