saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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