Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it hurts more in the daytime
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize