I wanna passion pit in your ass
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
