omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
