guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
