I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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