and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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