I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
