Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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