By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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