You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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