Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
