I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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