if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
