i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
