is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
