Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
