i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
