i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize