I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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