Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
