if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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