u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
