I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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