Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
