so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
