don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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