Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what day is it and did you see me today?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
