yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
