Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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