i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
