This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
