If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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