i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
