Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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