i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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