Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
