At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
