Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
