HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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