You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
