i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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