Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
