i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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