This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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