Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62

Replies (8) Good night (679) Bad night (1637)
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(650): View more from California

you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!

(1-650): View more from California

noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!

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(650): you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish! (1-650): noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish! http://tfl.nu/qi3r

Replies (86) Good night (3809) Bad night (1563)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college

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(765): I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college http://tfl.nu/2g0y

Replies (19) Good night (5230) Bad night (600)
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(512): View more from Texas

And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes

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(512): And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes http://tfl.nu/4ipy

Replies (24) Good night (5404) Bad night (1601)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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(215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo

Replies (53) Good night (12443) Bad night (1543)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked

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(616): I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked http://tfl.nu/2vrw

Replies (5) Good night (3685) Bad night (843)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.

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(319): Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up. http://tfl.nu/ktvf

Replies (17) Good night (5188) Bad night (969)
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(773): View more from Illinois

while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"

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(773): while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future" http://tfl.nu/uwag

Replies (17) Good night (4187) Bad night (803)
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(+01): View more from

I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom

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your the Dr. Phil in my life

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Today is an unchanging day

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(+01): I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom (1+01): your the Dr. Phil in my life (+01): Today is an unchanging day http://tfl.nu/6nwn

Replies (1) Good night (1054) Bad night (509)
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(801): View more from Utah

Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know

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(801): Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know http://tfl.nu/1og0

Replies (2) Good night (778) Bad night (574)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!

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(414): we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally! http://tfl.nu/l12k

Replies (3) Good night (1411) Bad night (511)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway

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(262): say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway http://tfl.nu/917j

Replies (16) Good night (1336) Bad night (538)
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(276): View more from Virginia

Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.

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(276): Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees. http://tfl.nu/acn4

Replies (8) Good night (1322) Bad night (483)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?

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(860): One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between? http://tfl.nu/negm

Replies (2) Good night (668) Bad night (228)
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(914): View more from New York

if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there

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(914): if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there http://tfl.nu/ylqp

Replies (1) Good night (169) Bad night (282)

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