I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.