Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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