Where is the hickey?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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