The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
