I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize