I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
