She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
