be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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